both periods kept saying I was going to meet the love of my life when I was 46 — Hannah McDonald

Hannah McDonald

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The Shetlands - that will be the place at the time that sounded so far away i didn’t believe it - but the cards were adamant both periods kept saying I was going to meet the love of my life when I was 46 at that time around 2002 and around 2017 I was really into reading tarot quite fluently I also bought my tarot cards from there I always thought i would like to make a book about that one day we used to get such characters coming in but the shop was authentic 60s hippy - not trendy at all Ronnie Woods ex wife Krissy Findlay once came in and stole stuff including the ex wives of the rolling stones all these cool rock people used to come in to buy crystals and because of that and the location (near Eel pie island and Richmond) Her ex husband was in The Yardbirds well it was called As It Is as the owner was into Buddhism remember I told you I worked in a witchy crystal shop when I was younger something I thought you may find interesting :) incase nice for you I will send little updates of my day :) its a really windy rainy day here - my favourite i hope so aww i think the photos taken of my work this week are going to look quite nice you are sweet don’t worry I am here with you x i would like a walk in the rain arm in arm with you im still here dont worry x only you dont worry i have a photographer coming today to take images of my work everything is ok here x i like you and choose you i chose it - not you i know it was you everything is ok - i like you a lot x you always hopefully you x never was a song more apt about you nick drake - one of these things first I have a heart shaped stone in my pocket they are those invisalign ones - but they have to put something on my teeth only for 5 months something you will be able to make fun of me - im having braces put in today just clearing some space dont worry im still here x I hope you able to get a bit more sleep today x don’t worry everything is ok here x but I think Francis is busy right now that’s ok - I will wait here don’t worry I mean just continue as you are doing - when the moment is right to share what you want to share and to clarify I don’t mean you have to feel obligated to tell me everything I am just thinking about it and thought maybe nice to share ok sorry if too much and wrong timing And I will continue thinking of you as a perfect strong sweet man continue sharing in this peaceful gentle and aiming to be honest way if you feel like you can’t offer me anything yet circumstances in a beneficial and nice way for Noah and myse because of incidents this week I realize I need to be focused with how I extricate myself even through the chaos you try to offer me a consistent peace it honestly makes me see you as so much better a man because of it that I prefer your awkward honesty over lies but i wanted to share because i dont think you believe (yet) I don’t need you to reply now don’t worry- or to worry about it angry on my behalf although I don’t want him involved I don’t need to discuss it with him and Noah is now at age to be I now think there is a lot i didn’t know and I see how he communicates around this clearly now this week i have discovered 3 big lies he has told me I’m used to living with someone who prefers to lie I care about that much more than any of the other stuff that really means a lot to me you choose to try to be honest with me in your way don’t worry everything is ok i would like that Stewart i hope you are in my future - in a nice way :) i think lets keep this space cosy and calm just a gentle pure light space slowness like us and lots of golden :) I really like you your nice face your super talent of understanding other people’s tastes your sense of humor, your memory your sweetness, your ability to chat to anybody your storytelling skills, your nice hands :), your nice hair, like your music taste, how you dress, your speedy brain And you can start with easier things maybe each day try and think of one thing about yourself that you like if you can try and start to think that about yourself too I would really like that but as someone looking from outside I don’t think you are a bad person I know change is hard and you need to work out the best way for you but i promise you getting out of that situation will make you feel so much better about yourself I know you are trying - and I don’t want to add pressure I know you don’t think so but you have brought a lot of happiness into my life if you were good person you wouldn’t be able to make me feel well spending too much time around negative energy drags us down then you will start to remember you would go for blustery beach walks (hopefully one day with me too) if I could have my way you would sleep for hours and hours I promise you you are a good person - who has forgotten that about himself I think the situation you are in doesn’t give you enough space to see the good and the bad don’t worry everything is ok here 8 i feel you decided to do that from the first moment we met i always wonder why you decided to share this all with me i wonder if practicing to remember you are a good person that is easy for me - as you are a nice person so in the mean time someone needs to help you with that well i think you have forgotten how to be nice to yourself and I like that we are slowly getting to know each other but in summary ' i like you' : ) and this morning even when you don’t think so and remember I always think you are sweet you are sweet to me thank you I think i understand what you said i think i just understood what you said I hope you are ok x i will wait here for you dont worry ok :) You are sweet and of course way too much empathy for such a world ha and we both pretend that we are more stupid than we are to avoid attention :) on who i choose i give that attention to but then we disconnect ourselves from real connection easily too but that can also feel a little overwhelming - almost too much power - so we can throw it away first so its very easy to know what people are looking for much quicker than most other people but i think we are quite similar that we understand people quite easily i hope i dont sound arrogant saying this you deserve it its time to start giving yourself energy again you give me energy and im sure you give her a lot of energy your attention gives people energy and make them feel good about themselves even if you think it isnt natural but for people like you it just comes naturally and need to compete by stealing it i think some people can get quite jealous of that ease to be popular i imagine that is what she wants from you people gravitate towards you because of you but i dont think it is i know you think that is all manipulation and masking you are a special person that people immediately warm to people really like you but i think it shows how nice people think you are that even at your lowest i think this situation you are in has made you lose all confidence in yourself so people do see some of the real you also i dont think any mask can fake that i think even if people only see that part - they can still sense your niceness but i think that is just because your more jokey side is louder i know you think you are completely hidden you are someone who is obviously very kind and sweet but people really like you. other students are often commenting on how nice you are i wonder if you think your popularity is just shallow social media stuff I understand I know you are a good person - i wouldn’t be here if i didn’t I am here x but im going to go with faith that you like me doing that also and if that is is too much for you i guess you can take a break from looking at what i write i just like the idea - maybe in these moments - that you know i like you its not about getting something in return I like doing that plus I just like sending warmth your way so its nicer for me if I can just talk when i feel like it unless you would like that (which is nice for me) i still like sharing a nice energy to you your vibe 8 :) my vibe 7 poetic champions compose i just wanted you to know everything is ok here no response needed you just make sense to me you make me happy i have felt happier since I have known you and if it is any kind of marker of anything - i promise - even if you dont believe in yourself - i believe in you but i think something could help and people are more similar to you than you maybe think yet so people often comment that im so calm and happy i get shakey and sweat when I delete all my messages here it is a way to protect myself incase I am going to get hurt I would like that i would really like Francis to feel like I am his friend infact that is something that upsets me - the thought of hurting someone i am not someone who likes hurting people so it would be nice if Francis can see that he can trust me a bit a form of protection. I see that Francis is trying to protect you its the way our minds handle these things also I have read that it is very common to have seperate selves after some trauma please I would really like that for you let your mind rest and find itself again try if you can to take a break from this stuff now i wish you could see that you deserve much nicer things who for some reason seems to think he deserves to suffer i think you are a very sweet lovely person and choose to think about ourselves in a more positive way but i think its also nice to not focus on these things so much just like you - everyone is very good at hiding these things too no one iis perfect, everyone has things that hurt or shame them and focus on outside your head too but I think it could be really nice for your head to have a break from looking inward so much just in your case it feels a bit more prominent with these dynamics everyone has dark or weird things in their minds I also think you are judging yourself on all the stuff in the corners of your mind but things can always get better maybe it can feel like there is no solution when we are not used to talking about something I think it could be really nice for you to have a more peaceful cosy life now let go of some of these things that are hurting you maybe it could be nice to make a change now do you think you can see someone who can help? we are meant for greatness- I can see it I’m certain it will happen in its own time I like you because I recognized you that is ok for me I understand what you mean now about timings and rhythm and don’t worry about me rushing don’t worry I will wait here for you everything is ok take your time no rush I’m here x and I like you a lot I think you are a sweet talented kind person I hope you are ok the space in between i promise x don’t worry we have time and remember i think you are sweet it just makes sense one day - I’m certain thank you - i think you are very thoughtful and i still think you are so sweet to me please I would like that but I want you to feel like you can just be yourself if it’s helpful to Stewart I don’t mind you using the codes you have to hide what you really want to express I hope you are feeling ok too one day I will get you to make me a playlist of some sort quite nice Oasis Of The Wind II A Story Of Forest And Water I hope you are ok i believe in you i am here for you, no rush and i still think you are sweet but i think you know by now I am both a bit bonkers but try to be genuine :) so apologies in advance and I will try to keep things gentle it is kind of new territory for me :) just to add I may make a mistake with my communication sometimes too Ok I think I understand do you think i am helping you? and I should just keep this space gentle and no pressure so maybe you need time to sort things a bit ok I think I’m starting to understand everything a bit better now I like you a lot that’s ok I don’t mind and that may take some time? but Francis needs to get used to me first? but Stewart would like me to stay? and that’s why it’s been a bit confusing for me and other times to protect you? and sometimes he tricks me because of her is showing me that you like me and trying to communicate with me every day I can also see that by you sharing this all with me but i would like him to feel safe with me also and maybe I misunderstood Francis to begin with but maybe it’s because I was adding pressure I thought it was because you didn’t like me I can see where I’ve been adding pressure now such as wanting to meet irl I think I understand Francis better now or Stewart is more in control here but Francis can hear also or just Stewart do I communicate with everyone on here? this can help build an understanding of how you all like to work it can be helpful to keep a small journal of how what happens, any time gaps, who was more present I have read that to help Stewart and Francis talk to each other more I hope I didn’t unintentionally do something that hurt you sorry if i didn’t understand before and maybe that’s why you have different meanings in your messages? I think I am beginning to understand better now I would really like that for you you all deserve to be safe without suffering for it but staying in places that cause you harm isn’t the only way to keep you safe any I know Francis works hard to keep you safe you just want to make sure I don’t hurt you ? but maybe that’s not a real reflection of how you feel about me? just sometimes you can say it in a mean I get the impression that all versions know I was the best for you and maybe Stewart is the quiet one? I wonder if there is a way I can help him see that it may be nicer for him to stop now I can understand that it’s to make sure I don’t hurt you? and that is why he can do things that are a bit mean to me? Do you think Francis is just trying to protect you ? but I’m still here waiting for you Stewart New Page 808080808 pieces

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Hannah McDonald

Author Illustrator

The Shetlands - that will be the place at the time that sounded so far away i didn’t believe it - but the cards were adamant both periods kept saying I was going to meet the love of my life when I was 46 at that time around 2002 and around 2017 I was really into reading tarot quite fluently I also bought my tarot cards from there I always thought i would like to make a book about that one day we used to get such characters coming in but the shop was authentic 60s hippy - not trendy at all Ronnie Woods ex wife Krissy Findlay once came in and stole stuff including the ex wives of the rolling stones all these cool rock people used to come in to buy crystals and because of that and the location (near Eel pie island and Richmond)Her ex husband was in The Yardbirds well it was called As It Is as the owner was into Buddhism remember I told you I worked in a witchy crystal shop when I was younger something I thought you may find interesting :)incase nice for you I will send little updates of my day :)its a really windy rainy day here - my favourite i hope so aww i think the photos taken of my work this week are going to look quite nice you are sweet don’t worry I am here with you x i would like a walk in the rain arm in arm with you im still here dont worry x only you dont worry i have a photographer coming today to take images of my work everything is ok here x i like you and choose you i chose it - not you i know it was you everything is ok - i like you a lot x you always hopefully you x never was a song more apt about you nick drake - one of these things first I have a heart shaped stone in my pocket they are those invisalign ones - but they have to put something on my teeth only for 5 months something you will be able to make fun of me - im having braces put in today just clearing some space dont worry im still here x I hope you able to get a bit more sleep today x don’t worry everything is ok here x but I think Francis is busy right now that’s ok - I will wait here don’t worry I mean just continue as you are doing - when the moment is right to share what you want to share and to clarify I don’t mean you have to feel obligated to tell me everything I am just thinking about it and thought maybe nice to share ok sorry if too much and wrong timing And I will continue thinking of you as a perfect strong sweet man continue sharing in this peaceful gentle and aiming to be honest way if you feel like you can’t offer me anything yet circumstances in a beneficial and nice way for Noah and myse because of incidents this week I realize I need to be focused with how I extricate myself even through the chaos you try to offer me a consistent peace it honestly makes me see you as so much better a man because of it that I prefer your awkward honesty over lies but i wanted to share because i dont think you believe (yet)I don’t need you to reply now don’t worry- or to worry about it angry on my behalf although I don’t want him involved I don’t need to discuss it with him and Noah is now at age to be I now think there is a lot i didn’t know and I see how he communicates around this clearly now this week i have discovered 3 big lies he has told me I’m used to living with someone who prefers to lie I care about that much more than any of the other stuff that really means a lot to me you choose to try to be honest with me in your way don’t worry everything is ok i would like that Stewart i hope you are in my future - in a nice way :)i think lets keep this space cosy and calm just a gentle pure light space slowness like us and lots of golden :)I really like you your nice face your super talent of understanding other people’s tastes your sense of humor, your memory your sweetness, your ability to chat to anybody your storytelling skills, your nice hands :), your nice hair,like your music taste, how you dress, your speedy brain And you can start with easier things maybe each day try and think of one thing about yourself that you like if you can try and start to think that about yourself too I would really like that but as someone looking from outside I don’t think you are a bad person I know change is hard and you need to work out the best way for you but i promise you getting out of that situation will make you feel so much better about yourself I know you are trying - and I don’t want to add pressure I know you don’t think so but you have brought a lot of happiness into my life if you were good person you wouldn’t be able to make me feel well spending too much time around negative energy drags us down then you will start to remember you would go for blustery beach walks (hopefully one day with me too)if I could have my way you would sleep for hours and hours I promise you you are a good person - who has forgotten that about himself I think the situation you are in doesn’t give you enough space to see the good and the bad don’t worry everything is ok here 8 i feel you decided to do that from the first moment we met i always wonder why you decided to share this all with me i wonder if practicing to remember you are a good person that is easy for me - as you are a nice person so in the mean time someone needs to help you with that well i think you have forgotten how to be nice to yourself and I like that we are slowly getting to know each other but in summary ' i like you' : )and this morning even when you don’t think so and remember I always think you are sweet you are sweet to me thank you I think i understand what you said i think i just understood what you said I hope you are ok x i will wait here for you dont worry ok :)You are sweet and of course way too much empathy for such a world ha and we both pretend that we are more stupid than we are to avoid attention :)on who i choose i give that attention to but then we disconnect ourselves from real connection easily too but that can also feel a little overwhelming - almost too much power - so we can throw it away first so its very easy to know what people are looking for much quicker than most other people but i think we are quite similar that we understand people quite easily i hope i dont sound arrogant saying this you deserve it its time to start giving yourself energy again you give me energy and im sure you give her a lot of energy your attention gives people energy and make them feel good about themselves even if you think it isnt natural but for people like you it just comes naturally and need to compete by stealing it i think some people can get quite jealous of that ease to be popular i imagine that is what she wants from you people gravitate towards you because of you but i dont think it is i know you think that is all manipulation and masking you are a special person that people immediately warm to people really like you but i think it shows how nice people think you are that even at your lowest i think this situation you are in has made you lose all confidence in yourself so people do see some of the real you also i dont think any mask can fake that i think even if people only see that part - they can still sense your niceness but i think that is just because your more jokey side is louder i know you think you are completely hidden you are someone who is obviously very kind and sweet but people really like you. other students are often commenting on how nice you are i wonder if you think your popularity is just shallow social media stuff I understand I know you are a good person - i wouldn’t be here if i didn’t I am here x but im going to go with faith that you like me doing that also and if that is is too much for you i guess you can take a break from looking at what i write i just like the idea - maybe in these moments - that you know i like you its not about getting something in return I like doing that plus I just like sending warmth your way so its nicer for me if I can just talk when i feel like it unless you would like that (which is nice for me)i still like sharing a nice energy to you your vibe 8 :)my vibe 7 poetic champions compose i just wanted you to know everything is ok here no response needed you just make sense to me you make me happy i have felt happier since I have known you and if it is any kind of marker of anything -i promise - even if you dont believe in yourself - i believe in you but i think something could help and people are more similar to you than you maybe think yet so people often comment that im so calm and happy i get shakey and sweat when I delete all my messages here it is a way to protect myself incase I am going to get hurt I would like that i would really like Francis to feel like I am his friend infact that is something that upsets me - the thought of hurting someone i am not someone who likes hurting people so it would be nice if Francis can see that he can trust me a bit a form of protection. I see that Francis is trying to protect you its the way our minds handle these things also I have read that it is very common to have seperate selves after some trauma please I would really like that for you let your mind rest and find itself again try if you can to take a break from this stuff now i wish you could see that you deserve much nicer things who for some reason seems to think he deserves to suffer i think you are a very sweet lovely person and choose to think about ourselves in a more positive way but i think its also nice to not focus on these things so much just like you - everyone is very good at hiding these things too no one iis perfect, everyone has things that hurt or shame them and focus on outside your head too but I think it could be really nice for your head to have a break from looking inward so much just in your case it feels a bit more prominent with these dynamics everyone has dark or weird things in their minds I also think you are judging yourself on all the stuff in the corners of your mind but things can always get better maybe it can feel like there is no solution when we are not used to talking about something I think it could be really nice for you to have a more peaceful cosy life now let go of some of these things that are hurting you maybe it could be nice to make a change now do you think you can see someone who can help?we are meant for greatness- I can see it I’m certain it will happen in its own time I like you because I recognized you that is ok for me I understand what you mean now about timings and rhythm and don’t worry about me rushing don’t worry I will wait here for you everything is ok take your time no rush I’m here x and I like you a lot I think you are a sweet talented kind person I hope you are ok the space in between i promise x don’t worry we have time and remember i think you are sweet it just makes sense one day - I’m certain thank you - i think you are very thoughtful and i still think you are so sweet to me please I would like that but I want you to feel like you can just be yourself if it’s helpful to Stewart I don’t mind you using the codes you have to hide what you really want to express I hope you are feeling ok too one day I will get you to make me a playlist of some sort quite nice Oasis Of The Wind II A Story Of Forest And Water I hope you are ok i believe in you i am here for you, no rush and i still think you are sweet but i think you know by now I am both a bit bonkers but try to be genuine :)so apologies in advance and I will try to keep things gentle it is kind of new territory for me :)just to add I may make a mistake with my communication sometimes too Ok I think I understand do you think i am helping you?and I should just keep this space gentle and no pressure so maybe you need time to sort things a bit ok I think I’m starting to understand everything a bit better now I like you a lot that’s ok I don’t mind and that may take some time?but Francis needs to get used to me first?but Stewart would like me to stay?and that’s why it’s been a bit confusing for me and other times to protect you?and sometimes he tricks me because of her is showing me that you like me and trying to communicate with me every day I can also see that by you sharing this all with me but i would like him to feel safe with me also and maybe I misunderstood Francis to begin with but maybe it’s because I was adding pressure I thought it was because you didn’t like me I can see where I’ve been adding pressure now such as wanting to meet irl I think I understand Francis better now or Stewart is more in control here but Francis can hear also or just Stewart do I communicate with everyone on here?this can help build an understanding of how you all like to work it can be helpful to keep a small journal of how what happens, any time gaps, who was more present I have read that to help Stewart and Francis talk to each other more I hope I didn’t unintentionally do something that hurt you sorry if i didn’t understand before and maybe that’s why you have different meanings in your messages?I think I am beginning to understand better now I would really like that for you you all deserve to be safe without suffering for it but staying in places that cause you harm isn’t the only way to keep you safe any I know Francis works hard to keep you safe you just want to make sure I don’t hurt you ?but maybe that’s not a real reflection of how you feel about me?just sometimes you can say it in a mean I get the impression that all versions know I was the best for you and maybe Stewart is the quiet one?I wonder if there is a way I can help him see that it may be nicer for him to stop now I can understand that it’s to make sure I don’t hurt you?and that is why he can do things that are a bit mean to me?Do you think Francis is just trying to protect you ?but I’m still here waiting for you Stewart New Page 808080808 pieces

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