Im feeling coldy again so will go to bed early — Hannah McDonald

Hannah McDonald

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Im feeling coldy again so will go to bed early thats ok you just make sense to me you make me happy i have felt happier since I have known you and if it is any kind of marker of anything - i promise - even if you dont believe in yourself - i believe in you but i think something could help and people are more similar to you than you maybe think all to say - I know you think nothing can help in some ways I have different selves too too depending on who i am talking to so I can hide it well too yet so people often comment that im so calm and happy i get shakey and sweat i become so nervous about saying anything it becomes so difficult for me to speak I would go to places and not say anything - like how I am on the video calls as I have suffered from mild anxiety since I was a child i choose to spend time only with people who make me feel calm and I like just having a few very close friends rather than a big group of friends when I delete all my messages here it is a way to protect myself incase I am going to get hurt that is ok I understand - i have my own way of doing that too i know that sometimes you need to protect yourself a bit after everything I am still here - because I want to be I would like that i would really like Francis to feel like I am his friend infact that is something that upsets me - the thought of hurting someone i am not someone who likes hurting people i just want you to be well so it would be nice if Francis can see that he can trust me a bit a form of protection. I see that Francis is trying to protect you its the way our minds handle these things also I have read that it is very common to have seperate selves after some trauma please I would really like that for you let your mind rest and find itself again try if you can to take a break from this stuff now i wish you could see that you deserve much nicer things who for some reason seems to think he deserves to suffer i think you are a very sweet lovely person and choose to think about ourselves in a more positive way but i think its also nice to not focus on these things so much just like you - everyone is very good at hiding these things too no one iis perfect, everyone has things that hurt or shame them and focus on outside your head too but I think it could be really nice for your head to have a break from looking inward so much just in your case it feels a bit more prominent with these dynamics everyone has dark or weird things in their minds I also think you are judging yourself on all the stuff in the corners of your mind but things can always get better maybe it can feel like there is no solution when we are not used to talking about something I think it could be really nice for you to have a more peaceful cosy life now let go of some of these things that are hurting you maybe it could be nice to make a change now do you think you can see someone who can help? we are meant for greatness- I can see it and gives me time to sort myself out too I’m certain it will happen in its own time I like you because I recognized you that is ok for me I understand what you mean now about timings and rhythm and don’t worry about me rushing don’t worry I will wait here for you I hope you are ok everything is ok take your time no rush earlier this year did you click from somewhere quaint in Kent? I’m here x cosy autumnal sundays my favourite I’m feeling better so hopefully my cold has gone good morning. I hope you could get some sleep you are also very smart- sometimes too smart :) please i would like that be kind to yourself for me and I like you a lot I think you are a sweet talented kind person it’s ok I’m still here with you thats ok i think i understand what you try to say - most of the time :) everything is ok just cosiness and pure light here remember I hope you are ok so watching cosy tv and about to make a chocolate cake I’m still feeling a bit fluey the space in between I am keeping safe I just had a nap and will now go for a small walk i am here don’t worry I have woken up with a sneezy cold so staying cosy in bed I hope you are ok beautiful golden autumnal sunrise here this morning I am still here i promise x don’t worry we have time so I’m watching cheesy tv and plan to be cosy :) Noah has gone away with his father to Brazil for the week but here x no worries I’m at home painting tonight and remember i think you are sweet I will be here x another cosy rainy day it just makes sense one day - I’m certain dont worry i know that will make you quiet :) thank you - i think you are very thoughtful and i still think you are so sweet to me please I would like that but I want you to feel like you can just be yourself I think I can be more helpful this way also : ) I prefer how things are now and not being so close to that stuff but I won’t try to decipher them if you don’t mind if it’s helpful to Stewart I don’t mind you using the codes you have to hide what you really want to express btw now I understand a little better I don’t want you to feel its raining here today - nice and cosy that’s ok I’m still here I hope you are feeling ok too everything is ok i will wait here ok I think I understand New Page I feel bad speaking negatively- but someone with kind patience is on my list : ) someone who acts with gentle slowness is very good for me so although my emotions fly with the wind : ) I have lived with someone who is very impatient and snaps when things don’t go his way. Your gentle slowness is very good for my soul btw one day I will get you to make me a playlist of some sort quite nice Oasis Of The Wind II A Story Of Forest And Water do you know Takashi Kokubo I hope you are ok i believe in you i am here for you, no rush and i still think you are sweet with ridiculously bad spelling but i think you know by now I am both a bit bonkers but try to be genuine :) so apologies in advance and I will try to keep things gentle it is kind of new territory for me :) just to add I may make a mistake with my communication sometimes too Ok I think I understand do you think i am helping you? and I should just keep this space gentle and no pressure so maybe you need time to sort things a bit I feel really flattered that you reach out to me each day I think now I understand things a bit better and I think you were saying I shouldn’t see for now ok I think I’m starting to understand everything a bit better now but I just like to try and understand that’s all maybe that’s a bit too much for me to say in one go no rush I like you a lot that’s ok I don’t mind and that may take some time? but Francis needs to get used to me first? but Stewart would like me to stay? and that’s why it’s been a bit confusing for me and other times to protect you? and sometimes he tricks me because of her is showing me that you like me and trying to communicate with me every day I can also see that by you sharing this all with me I can always tell when you are hinting- it just takes me a moment to catch up I kept wondering why you asked if i knew Rupert sheldrakes wife when he is ready but i would like him to feel safe with me also and maybe I misunderstood Francis to begin with but maybe it’s because I was adding pressure I thought it was because you didn’t like me I can see where I’ve been adding pressure now such as wanting to meet irl I think I understand Francis better now or Stewart is more in control here but Francis can hear also or just Stewart do I communicate with everyone on here? this can help build an understanding of how you all like to work it can be helpful to keep a small journal of how what happens, any time gaps, who was more present I have read that to help Stewart and Francis talk to each other more I hope I didn’t unintentionally do something that hurt you sorry if i didn’t understand before and maybe that’s why you have different meanings in your messages? I think I am beginning to understand better now I would really like that for you you all deserve to be safe without suffering for it but staying in places that cause you harm isn’t the only way to keep you safe any I know Francis works hard to keep you safe you just want to make sure I don’t hurt you ? but maybe that’s not a real reflection of how you feel about me? just sometimes you can say it in a mean I get the impression that all versions know I was the best for you and maybe on the course is someone slightly different too? who I talk to on here? and maybe Stewart is the quiet one? I wonder if there is a way I can help him see that it may be nicer for him to stop now and do you think it’s Francis that wants to stay doing stuff with her? I can understand that it’s to make sure I don’t hurt you? and that is why he can do things that are a bit mean to me? Do you think Francis is just trying to protect you ? but I’m still here waiting for you Stewart New Page 808080808 pieces

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Hannah McDonald

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Im feeling coldy again so will go to bed early thats ok you just make sense to me you make me happy i have felt happier since I have known you and if it is any kind of marker of anything -i promise - even if you dont believe in yourself - i believe in you but i think something could help and people are more similar to you than you maybe think all to say - I know you think nothing can help in some ways I have different selves too too depending on who i am talking to so I can hide it well too yet so people often comment that im so calm and happy i get shakey and sweat i become so nervous about saying anything it becomes so difficult for me to speak I would go to places and not say anything - like how I am on the video calls as I have suffered from mild anxiety since I was a child i choose to spend time only with people who make me feel calm and I like just having a few very close friends rather than a big group of friends when I delete all my messages here it is a way to protect myself incase I am going to get hurt that is ok I understand - i have my own way of doing that too i know that sometimes you need to protect yourself a bit after everything I am still here - because I want to be I would like that i would really like Francis to feel like I am his friend infact that is something that upsets me - the thought of hurting someone i am not someone who likes hurting people i just want you to be well so it would be nice if Francis can see that he can trust me a bit a form of protection. I see that Francis is trying to protect you its the way our minds handle these things also I have read that it is very common to have seperate selves after some trauma please I would really like that for you let your mind rest and find itself again try if you can to take a break from this stuff now i wish you could see that you deserve much nicer things who for some reason seems to think he deserves to suffer i think you are a very sweet lovely person and choose to think about ourselves in a more positive way but i think its also nice to not focus on these things so much just like you - everyone is very good at hiding these things too no one iis perfect, everyone has things that hurt or shame them and focus on outside your head too but I think it could be really nice for your head to have a break from looking inward so much just in your case it feels a bit more prominent with these dynamics everyone has dark or weird things in their minds I also think you are judging yourself on all the stuff in the corners of your mind but things can always get better maybe it can feel like there is no solution when we are not used to talking about something I think it could be really nice for you to have a more peaceful cosy life now let go of some of these things that are hurting you maybe it could be nice to make a change now do you think you can see someone who can help?we are meant for greatness- I can see it and gives me time to sort myself out too I’m certain it will happen in its own time I like you because I recognized you that is ok for me I understand what you mean now about timings and rhythm and don’t worry about me rushing don’t worry I will wait here for you I hope you are ok everything is ok take your time no rush earlier this year did you click from somewhere quaint in Kent?I’m here x cosy autumnal sundays my favourite I’m feeling better so hopefully my cold has gone good morning. I hope you could get some sleep you are also very smart- sometimes too smart :)please i would like that be kind to yourself for me and I like you a lot I think you are a sweet talented kind person it’s ok I’m still here with you thats ok i think i understand what you try to say - most of the time :)everything is ok just cosiness and pure light here remember I hope you are ok so watching cosy tv and about to make a chocolate cake I’m still feeling a bit fluey the space in between I am keeping safe I just had a nap and will now go for a small walk i am here don’t worry I have woken up with a sneezy cold so staying cosy in bed I hope you are ok beautiful golden autumnal sunrise here this morning I am still here i promise x don’t worry we have time so I’m watching cheesy tv and plan to be cosy :)Noah has gone away with his father to Brazil for the week but here x no worries I’m at home painting tonight and remember i think you are sweet I will be here x another cosy rainy day it just makes sense one day - I’m certain dont worry i know that will make you quiet :)thank you - i think you are very thoughtful and i still think you are so sweet to me please I would like that but I want you to feel like you can just be yourself I think I can be more helpful this way also : )I prefer how things are now and not being so close to that stuff but I won’t try to decipher them if you don’t mind if it’s helpful to Stewart I don’t mind you using the codes you have to hide what you really want to express btw now I understand a little better I don’t want you to feel its raining here today - nice and cosy that’s ok I’m still here I hope you are feeling ok too everything is ok i will wait here ok I think I understand New Page I feel bad speaking negatively- but someone with kind patience is on my list : )someone who acts with gentle slowness is very good for me so although my emotions fly with the wind : )I have lived with someone who is very impatient and snaps when things don’t go his way.Your gentle slowness is very good for my soul btw one day I will get you to make me a playlist of some sort quite nice Oasis Of The Wind II A Story Of Forest And Water do you know Takashi Kokubo I hope you are ok i believe in you i am here for you, no rush and i still think you are sweet with ridiculously bad spelling but i think you know by now I am both a bit bonkers but try to be genuine :)so apologies in advance and I will try to keep things gentle it is kind of new territory for me :)just to add I may make a mistake with my communication sometimes too Ok I think I understand do you think i am helping you?and I should just keep this space gentle and no pressure so maybe you need time to sort things a bit I feel really flattered that you reach out to me each day I think now I understand things a bit better and I think you were saying I shouldn’t see for now ok I think I’m starting to understand everything a bit better now but I just like to try and understand that’s all maybe that’s a bit too much for me to say in one go no rush I like you a lot that’s ok I don’t mind and that may take some time?but Francis needs to get used to me first?but Stewart would like me to stay?and that’s why it’s been a bit confusing for me and other times to protect you?and sometimes he tricks me because of her is showing me that you like me and trying to communicate with me every day I can also see that by you sharing this all with me I can always tell when you are hinting- it just takes me a moment to catch up I kept wondering why you asked if i knew Rupert sheldrakes wife when he is ready but i would like him to feel safe with me also and maybe I misunderstood Francis to begin with but maybe it’s because I was adding pressure I thought it was because you didn’t like me I can see where I’ve been adding pressure now such as wanting to meet irl I think I understand Francis better now or Stewart is more in control here but Francis can hear also or just Stewart do I communicate with everyone on here?this can help build an understanding of how you all like to work it can be helpful to keep a small journal of how what happens, any time gaps, who was more present I have read that to help Stewart and Francis talk to each other more I hope I didn’t unintentionally do something that hurt you sorry if i didn’t understand before and maybe that’s why you have different meanings in your messages?I think I am beginning to understand better now I would really like that for you you all deserve to be safe without suffering for it but staying in places that cause you harm isn’t the only way to keep you safe any I know Francis works hard to keep you safe you just want to make sure I don’t hurt you ?but maybe that’s not a real reflection of how you feel about me?just sometimes you can say it in a mean I get the impression that all versions know I was the best for you and maybe on the course is someone slightly different too?who I talk to on here?and maybe Stewart is the quiet one?I wonder if there is a way I can help him see that it may be nicer for him to stop now and do you think it’s Francis that wants to stay doing stuff with her?I can understand that it’s to make sure I don’t hurt you?and that is why he can do things that are a bit mean to me?Do you think Francis is just trying to protect you ?but I’m still here waiting for you Stewart New Page 808080808 pieces

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